August 8, 2011

So I had planned all morning to post tonight because we had a neurosurgery check-up today for Samantha's shunt. Thinking that our little family has finally gotten into a routine, life was feeling like it was starting to get back to the basics. I was so happy when we didn't even have to wait 5 minutes for our appointment today because I had a few things to do in Winston before we headed back to attend Open House for Gwen. The PA came in and we were almost finished  but the last thing she checked was the measurement of Sam's head. It was when she rechecked it and charted it on the computer that I felt like I had been hit by a truck. It seems that Sam's head is larger than is should be based on where it had been and her weight/length now. She had a line graph up on the computer and the little black dot was well above where it should have been. When she looked back at earlier scans she saw the 4th ventricle and the fluid that was there. So she wants Sam to have an MRI to see what might be causing her head to be larger than it should be. It seems that the current shunt is in place and working like it should since her soft spot is not showing signs of fluid build up and she is not showing signs of being in pain. It could be several different things... It could be that this is just the way her head has grown and the size will level off very soon. It could be that there is fluid build up in another area of the brain. I am sure there are more possibilities but until we get the MRI we just don't have a clue. I guess my fear is that it is the 4th ventricle and she will need another shunt. She told me again today that putting a shunt in the 4th ventricle is a more dangerous surgery. They also tend to get infections and blockages more than the shunt she currently has. My heart just sank. The possibility of more surgeries this soon just tears my heart apart! She is not even 5 months old. Well we had an MRI scheduled for 4:00 this afternoon and then they called back and told us that we would have to change that because she will have to be sedated.  I think it is so ironic that just this morning before I left I was talking to a very dear friend of mine about how we need to watch when the devil is messing around in our lives. I am sure he had a good laugh today. Well he might have had a laugh today but I know who has the last laugh. God is still with us and He will get us through. Mother Teresa once said, "I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much." I am not sure if God is doing this because He trusts me but I do know how much He has molded me through this process. Please pray for our girl. Please pray that this is not what it could be and that it is just the way she is growing. Please help me praise God for what He has done in her life this far! I have two other quotes that have made a mark on me tonight. One is by W. Elliot- "Perseverance is not a long race. It is many short races one after another." I had felt like we were getting to the end of our very long journey and quickly realized today that Samantha's Journey is really many short races put together. The other quote is by Bill Cosby- "Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it." I am so thankful that God has given me Travis as my personal comedian. Thank you for your prayers. My heart was so heavy tonight and I wasn't going to post but I know that your prayers have helped to get Samantha to where she is today. Love you all.... Stephanie