January 5, 2015

Tonight was our first seizure of 2016. She had just gotten to sleep. She falls asleep on my arm holding on to my clothing because she is always seeing "scary spiders" when it is bed time. We think this has something to do with seizure activity. She all the sudden got stiff and when I moved her to look at her eyes I saw she was in one. Her left hand had just started moving since it was just starting and I immediately got Moose's training bag out. I said his name one time and he came right up to her. He then looked at me, saw the bag and started barking. We realized very quickly that she wasn't going to be able to get herself out of this one so we gave the first round of meds. Within a minute and a half of meds she had finally started to come down. It was only 5 minutes but every seizure causes an immense amount of anxiety in our house. I HATE SEIZURES! Relief hits us when we see she has come out of one but we are all upset and drained from the experience too. 

So after it all hit and I got her back to sleep I just hugged her and cried. If I were sleeping I could have very easily slept though this or atleast a good part of this. How scary! I am very thankful for Moose but I still have a worry about her that causes my heart to ache. Seizures rule our lives. The problem is when she is in situations that make her tired or stress her out, she is more at risk to have them. I feel like we are very overprotective of her and her activities. I worry that sometimes people think we might be doing it to an extreme but we have been through so much with her. I feel like it is my job to protect her. I hope and pray that my choices in life give her a happy life but also give her the most healthy life I could possibly provide. God has started to give me peace about doing the best for Sam. I pray that he always guides us in the right direction. 

We are right now praying hard about a procedure for Sam. Please help us pray that we make. Right decision for her. Anytime we look at anything involving her brain I always worry about her cyst, the shunts and her CSF. Travis is not a person who likes to talk about these things all the time. As a father you want to feel like you are protecting your wife and kids all the time. I am sure it eats at him that he has no control over protecting her from all this. Please don't be offended if you find he doesn't say much if he is ever asked. 

Praying for Gwen too. She loves Sam to the moon and back and these night upset her greatly. I am so thankful for her. She is amazing in these situations. It is hard to believe she is just 10 years old dealing with it all. 

I have comfort knowing tonight that others all over the world deal with this and we are not alone. I have comfort tonight for my many friends and family who are praying for Sam and our family. I have comfort tonight that God has been there and I know He is by our sides though this journey.