January 24 (27 weeks)

So once again I feel like I have been hit by a truck. Doctor appointment days do this to me. The ultrasound went okay. The fluid in one ventricle has stayed the same and the other has increased to 2.0. This was something that so many of you were in prayer with us for and I thank you for your prayers. It is a blessing to know that the fluid is not increasing at a rapid rate. The next part of the appointment was with questions about my appointment from Friday. At the end of last week, I called the doctor because I was not feeling right. I was having mild pain in my lower back, seeing spots, having headaches and my stomach was just having strange pains. So they had me come in and found that the outer part of my cervix was open and it my cervix was soft. They sent me over to the hospital for some tests to make sure I wasn’t going into labor and everything checked out okay. They are still worried because I am still seeing spots and I still have headaches so I had some additional tests that I had to turn in today. I should have most results back tomorrow. They are worried about the onset of preeclampsia. Then Travis and I had a list of questions to ask. Travis’ first question was about the new finding of the Agenesis of the Corpus Callosum that was told to us by the MRI and the neurosurgeon. Travis asked him about the mortality rate in infancy or childhood and without hesitation the doctor told us that there was a significant chance because of the findings of all three major problems with the brain. He also told us that we really were looking past mild complications and even a little past moderate complications with Samantha. He said could there be a miracle and she could see minimal effects, yes, but he would be highly surprised. He said that we needed to prepare ourselves for the fact that Sam might not walk or talk or be on a feeding tube. I am glad that he was being honest with us and I know he is just trying to prepare us for the possibilities of the worse situation. So we left a little beaten down. It has been hard today. I know this is a journey and we have ups and downs but it is hard to think I am having a child who we might outlive. Travis and I just don’t want her to be in pain. I hope tomorrow is my get up and take action day because today has been a down in the dumps day. The thing that has hit us the hardest is that we just don’t know and won’t know until she is here. We do know however that God has brought us this far and he will continue to hold our hands through this. Thank you for your friendship, prayers and support. Please say a prayer for an unspoken friend who we saw at the doctor’s office this morning who had just received some bad news. This sweet lady was really due some good news and I pray that once she gets through this process that God will send tons of blessings her way. Life is so precious hug your kids every chance you get!

January 15 (26 weeks)

     Well there is really no new news at this time but I thought I would just update some of my thoughts and feelings from the past few weeks. I am doing this more for another parent that might be facing a similar situations sometime in the future. I have found that no two situations are exactly alike but I pray that God will lead the right people to this site someday so that they might not feel so alone in their journey. I also want to make sure that all of you precious people who are supporting us and praying for us know just how your prayers are working...
     I have been doing okay for the most part since the last blog post. I think that working and having a five year old helps with that.  I feel like I have been cruising along, thinking about things, processing all this in my mind and all of the sudden it was like I hit a brick wall Thursday night. Gwen and Travis were already asleep when my worry and emotions got the best of me. And at that time... God provided. He sent me my two loving sisters who talked to me on the phone late into the night. They helped to remind me that I wasn't alone. I had them and I had God. Although this was scary it was going to be okay. Since that time He has been opening my eyes to people He has placed in my life for a reason; for support, for guidance, and for thier experience. First thing this morning I got a call from a friend that was the biggest blessing to me. God was holding my hand as she talked about the journey she had been through with her son and that her son had achieved so much more that they doctors thought he would. He has been sending me the right people at the right time to help remind me that life is a journey.... good and bad... but you don't have to feel alone.
     Tonight I was working on my Sunday School lesson for tomorrow and I was reading in Job. It seems to be a book of the bible that God is sending me to a lot lately. While doing some additional reading for my lesson I came across a quote from Mark Twain, "I am an old man and have known many troubles, but most of them nevery happened." It helped to remind me that so many times we worry about things that don't end up happening. Trust is the only option we have! I can't tell you what my friends and family mean to me. How without all of you, I don't know if I could make it through. Travis, Gwen and I are so thankful to have all of you in our lives. I am so thankful that God knew we needed you! Everytime we hear that people are praying for us it brings tears to my eyes. I can feel God's arms wrap around me. I am so thankful that God is showing us His love through you! This song has been such a help to me this week. I feel that He is shining His light around us by using you. You are helping to light up our sky..... thank you....

January 4th- (24 weeks)

Today was a very long day! We were given some good news and some bad news. The good news is that they didn't find any heart problems.... PRAISE THE LORD! That was how we ended the day and we needed to go to an appointment without hearing the words.. "I am seeing something that concerns me!" A normally functioning heart is a blessing. The bad news is that they found some more problems from the MRI. The neurologist told us today that he found something else that was concerning to him. It seems that along with the fluid on the brain that he is now considering hydrocephalus which will most likely require a shunt within a short time after delivery and the Dandy Walker Malformation that was found a few weeks ago- They now see that she either has an absence or agenesis of the corpus callosum. This is the fibers that connect the two sides of the brain and it is either not there or not completely formed. The results of this could mean a range of problems that could be possible. This was the answer we were given when we were told about the dandy walker malformation which means that we won't know until she is born.  He also saw a dandy walker cyst that will most likely mean a second shunt.  He told us to prepare for a child with delays. I think that God has already been preparing our hearts for this and this is not what scares us. We know that every child is put on this earth for a purpose and that our God knows what He is doing. For me it is just that I am such a planner and I can't really do anything about any of this but wait. Waiting is hard for me. I pray daily that Samantha is as healthy as she possibly can be. When they gave us a tour of Brenner Children's Hospital today they showed us both the Neonatal ICU and the PICU as well. Their reason behind this was that there was a chance we would spend time there someday if she had trouble with her shunt. The doctor said that 50% of shunts fail within 2 years and 80% fail within 8 years. They have to be replaced or other surgeries have to take place. I just feel like I worry enough as a mother of a child who doesn't have medical problems and I am already worrying about Samantha's medical journey and she is not even here yet. The bottom line is that I need to put it in God's hands and try to not worry. I am going to try... hard. When I couldn't sleep last night I starting reading Job. It made me realize that I feel like I am in a pit but it is really just a valley. Job was in a pit!!! He made it through praising God and I know that I can too. Thank you so much for your calls, emails, and messages today. WE LOVE YOU ALL!!!