February 10th -- 30 Weeks

So I had an appointment yesterday and it was the first one without an ultrasound in a very long time. Last time I was at the doctor, two weeks ago, he said that they were going to wait 6 weeks to do another ultrasound. He said he knew the fluid would grow some and it would not change any care they would be giving me right now. He thought it might be better if we didn't check it so we didn't worry. I think we worry no matter what, but I did see his point. So we won't see Samantha Grace again until the middle of March. Since we didn't have an ultrasound, it was a very normal appointment. We have not had a normal appointment since our first one at week 8. Right after that was when I started getting sick and was in and out of the hospital until my gallbladder came out at week 15. Then we started getting bad news at each appointment after that. It was strange to have a "normal" appointment. Nice but strange. I guess because we know that everything is not really "normal." So many aspects of our lives have changed. The unknown is still there and we know that right now is just a waiting game.

In the past few weeks my prayers have changed from having a child that is my idea of "perfect" to asking God for the blessing of His idea of "perfect!" Ultimately He does know what is best for us. I guess that we all have a view of what we think our life will look like in the future and situations in our lives end up changing all that. A friend of mine sent me an inbox message on facebook the other day with this, "I can't remember which of my relatives or friends who once posted that having a child with severe delays or medical issues is much like planning a trip to Italy and ending up in Denmark. Both are exotic, interesting, and wonderful places. It's just that one is the place you planned for, dreamed about, and the other is not. The joy in exploring the unplanned Denmark may outweigh the planned trip to Italy." I guess we feel like we have just boarded the plane and just found out that we are going to the wrong destination. Now it is just waiting to get there and see what it will be like.

While I was listening to a CD I made a last year I revisited this song and it had a brand new meaning for me.



I once again can't post without thanking all of you for your prayers and support. Your prayers, calls, cards, kind words, food and everything else you have done to show us support uplifts us daily! We are so blessed to have such wonderful people in our lives! WE LOVE YOU ALL!